We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
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