They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
