either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
