What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
