i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
