nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
