Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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