Your face is a jimmy john
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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