You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
how does that bad decision feel?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
