You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
