That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
