Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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