Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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