I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Randomize
