Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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