i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
