he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
