Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
