I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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