I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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