i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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