That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
