i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
