hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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