yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
4 words: hood of his car
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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