The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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