Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
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some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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