It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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