This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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