Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I have post one night stand depression
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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