i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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