before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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