why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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