Got a toothbrush?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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