Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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