my phone needs a breathalizer
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
