Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
