I've blown a few things in my day
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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