The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
