i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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