Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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