dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
