I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
