I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
