pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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