I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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