He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
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She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
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I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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