that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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