U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
