I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
