I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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