once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
