I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
