Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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