Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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