I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
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