girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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