I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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