I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Randomize
