You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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