All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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