it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
