Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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