i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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