Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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