i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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