Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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