I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
