my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
