I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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