my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
